Growth

Details

This was my first oil painting after setting up my current home studio. I got the biggest canvas I could fit in my car and launched into painting with big sweeping gestures. There had bees something brewing in my emotional being and subconscious. I had the basic feeling and shapes in my minds eye and enjoyed playing with the rich fluidity of oil paint as the image emerged. A combination of grief and confusion from my past and excitement as I blossom into my future were equally present. As well as a feeling of being caught between the two. Suddenly I was struck with an insight: “I’ve wanted someone to blame”. Someone to blame for all the hurt, for everything that has felt unfair or too much. But that desire has helped keep me stuck, keep me from surrendering to flowering into my true self. I wish I could say that everything was “fixed” once the paint dried on the canvas. But that doesn’t seem to be how these things work. It was a huge relief to realize this way I’ve been holding on. Creating this piece was extremely helpful for my own life and maybe the final product has a place in yours.